Read part one of this blog here.
Making “nice” with inner voices
Self-talk is only one of many factors that contribute to developing an eating disorder or negative body image. Each individual has a complicated story of how they came to cope with their stresses, body chemistry and emotional traumas. I do not wish to imply that self-talk is the only way into or out of an eating disorder, as it is a very serious condition that has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, and requires comprehensive treatment. Anorexia also carries the highest mortality rate for females age 15-24: 12 times higher than any other cause of death.
But I do want to offer that if you are parenting a child, or re-parenting yourself, please routinely look into the parts of you that you do not like, and begin to create a more diplomatic and compassionate relationship with the layers and parts of yourself that tie together to make you whole. When we compartmentalize our fat, or our skin color, or our bone shapes, we dishonor our complexity, and how important every cell is to the totality of our being.
It’s our parts that make us whole. If you feel there is a hole inside your spirit, and you are looking to fill it in ways that are doing damage, please seek out some of the resources below, and know that you are lovable and worthy and still have the wisdom of an unbiased child within you.
1) National Council on Eating Disorders
2) Kirstin Hara: Spiritual Counseling
3) Geneen Roth, soulful author of Women, Food and God
4) Gil Hedley writes passionately about falling in love with fat
5) My Yoga Tune Up® Core Immersion where we explore these issues and core tissues.
6) Anna Guest-Jelly, the role model and genius behind Curvy Yoga
[Reprinted with kind permission from Gaiam Life.]
Find one of our Yoga Tune Up classes near you.
Learn about our stress relief products.
I really appreciate (and have worked with) this idea of looking at the things that we don’t like about ourselves – bringing light into the darkness. Though it is so hard to do, by acknoweldging these things and then, as Jill describes, weaving those parts we don’t like with the parts that we can see as beautiful into a tapestry of a more complete picture of our entire selves, we can begin to let go of that self-judgement and appreciate ourselves for everything we are, not just part. Letting go of the personal loathing and negative judgement is a constant practice.
My perspective on my body changed a lot since I had my first child. For the first time, it wasn´t just there to look good or carry me around. It actually did a job it was created for. It carried, grew, delivered and nursed a child. It grew, aced, bursted, bruised, went on a hormon roller-coaster, mellowed out and healed. My body is not at all what it was, but when I have bad days, my stretch-mark-belly sighs at me and goes “Hey, aren´t you being a little unfair to me? I created something really cool, you know?” So I have developed gratitude toward my pouty belly. I know it doesn´t look great but that´s not all there is to life. I don´t want other women or men to cover up their bodies so therefore my task must be to carry mine with great pride and be that good example. The beauty with yoga is that when you begin to experience and feel you body from the inside, it matters less what it looks like from the outside. Our eyes and mind fool us so often.
I think first time when I was thinking about food, eating and getting fat stared about when I was 10-11 years old. Actually I have always beeing thin, but it was so important not to become fat..Slowly when I was about 17-20 I stopped eating sweets, meet, fish and so on. I am 165 tall and I weighed 44-45 kg. I lost my menstrual, started to losing hair and got many other problems.. I never talked to anyone about my eating problems. I really thought that I was fat and could lose weight little bit more..
Around ages 24-25 I slowly started to eat normally agen and luckily got pregnant.
Today I¨m 38 and still thinking a lot about food. Mostly I eat raw food. I feel good, I¨m healthy and I almoust never sick. It has been a long journey and its continues.. I like that and I love to eat..:-)
I really appreciated reading this blog post. As a psychotherapist in training and a yoga teacher in training, I believe it is my job to model healthy living – and, I certainly have my beasts. I think my eating disorder is what led me down this path and I am constantly working to combat the negative voices in my head that make me insecure, competitive, and overall unhappy. It is these voices that I must learn to silence and go behind if I want to do my job well. I see yoga as very complementary with therapy, and it’s nice to see a trained, successful teacher talking about these issues in a public forum. It seems that the shame and secrecy is often more salient. A person is only as sick as their secrets so it’s wonderful that you are bringing this issue to your students. Thank you.
ED will always be there. Long after my recovery I still hear “the voice” that says you can’t measure up, that you never will. That voice says punish yourself by numbing yourself with food. The difference is that I have awareness that that voice is from outside of me, from years of reading magazines that had unrealistic images, of watching a mother loath herself. Yoga gave me the gift of awareness. Perhaps the most important aspect of that awareness is that I am just a fragment of Everything. If I practice Ahimsa it must start with me! My (newish) philosophy when it comes to my body is function first, the form ultimately is going to follow as it should!
Thanks for this reminder. I loved Women, Food and God and also found that The Only Diet There Is (a diet from negative thinking) to be so powerful! I am reminded of the need to be gentle to myself in any pose where my flesh simply doesn’t allow me to fully experience a pose. I know when I am in those moments that I have a choice, I can say mean things to myself or I can breathe and know it is all perfect. Only when I love myself truly will any of that change anyway.
This was an unexpected surprise, coming across this blog topic. It’s definitely sensitive territory but Jill just has a way with words that not only makes sense, but also sheds light in a completely new, often fascinating way. Much of that applies even to the above paragraphs where disordered eating is given the platform for some steps toward healing. I very much appreciated the additional resources, especially the Roth and Hara pieces. I wanted to suggest one other book that has a unique perspective on the topic of bulimia- Brain Over Binge, Kathryn Hansen.
Thank you for writing this, as so many people in our society are dealing with image issues these days! And the cases are getting younger and younger, which is devastating. If everyone came from a place of love, whether it be to yourself or others, this world would be a better place. If you don’t love yourself, who will? I think it is also the duty of a yogi, to help yield the conversations and chatter of our egos and realize we are all on the same level. But first we have to be honest with ourselves. I admire the women who wrote above beautifully and honest, and I think you all are amazing! A great book that helped me get past some of these negative thoughts in my mind was Debbie Ford’s, Dark side of the light chasers. Enjoy it if you pick it up!
It’s funny how we can hold onto old beliefs from our childhood, and although we can think that time and perhaps age has somehow evolved us and made us stronger. Time does not always quite those little voices we carry inside. As some one who had recovered from an eating disorder well over 20 plus years ago. I must admit that I still hear some of those self judging voices at times., and it’s at those moments I realize that learning compassion towards myself/yourself is the best lesson I could ever teach a student.